Mardi Gras: a Triumph of Indulgence Over Abstinence

On Mardi Gras, wild revelers
chug wine with Dionysus.
Then, for the next dull forty days,
they bore themselves for Jesus.

-Warlock M. M.

Mardi Gras, or Fat Tuesday, is an unofficial Catholic bacchanal, celebrated just before the forty-day observance of Lent begins on Ash Wednesday. Lent is, of course, a period of self-denial leading up to Easter Sunday. Many Catholics choose a particular vice, such as candy or alcohol, from which to abstain until the Easter Bunny returns with those delicious chocolate eggs.

But before the abstinence begins, most Catholics catch up on their sins...

The rampant revelry of Mardi Gras is more than just another good excuse to throw a party. It’s among the most honest traditions to evolve in all of Christendom. Celebrants are naturally very reluctant to give up their carnal pleasures for over a month! That’s because it’s unnatural to avoid the life-enhancing indulgences that they embrace, often to excess, during this yearly carnival.

Mardi Gras is a triumph of indulgence over abstinence. It’s a celebration of fleshly delights in defiance of their ritual denial. And in a liturgical calendar that cycles through converted pagan holidays, Fat Tuesday is unique in its development from the opposite direction. Instead of disguising “the gods” as “God,” Mardi Gras brings back some of the fun of pre-Christian revelry. Indeed, despite its creation after the Jesus cult got out of hand, Mardi Gras is, in more than one sense, “pre-Christian.”

Today’s festivities will be particularly rewarding for those who take advantage of the atmosphere without succumbing to compulsive excesses. After all, why drink yourself sick and stupid today, when tomorrow you will have just as many indulgences from which to freely choose?

That said, on a personal level, I am somewhat grateful to Christianity for—I might as well admit it—yet another excuse to throw a party.

Enjoy an indulgent Mardi Gras!

Nose Bubbles and Rado Echoes

In observance of April Fool’s Day, I am sharing photographs of rare novelties from my collection. These are particularly interesting because they are featured prominently in the work of Anton Szandor LaVey.

LaVey found great wisdom where others have found mere amusement, little of interest or, in many cases, nothing at all. This is the true occult. One especially overlooked area of this realm of hidden meaning is that of the prank.

Often perpetrated against innocent friends and acquaintances, pranks are treated differently within Satanism. As LaVey said more than once, it is far more fulfilling to employ unpleasant surprises toward the balancing of egos and as a form of humorous revenge. He also discussed more than one specific gag, including a couple from the old Johnson Smith & Co. Catalogue, which is featured in the Church of Satan’s recommended reading list. LaVey called it his Necronomicon.

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THE SNEEZE-O-BUBBLE

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On the dedication page of The Devil’s Notebook, LaVey mentions the inventor(s) of the Sneeze-O-Bubble. In Satan Speaks!, he dedicates an essay to the artful use of a rubber “nose bubble.” I have always deeply enjoyed that essay, and it has seemed to me that its subject is none other than that enigmatic Sneeze-O-Bubble.

I had the good fortune of finding this incredibly rare gag on eBay. It is a set of four bubbles, and they appear to be made of blown glass. Perhaps this is an earlier version of LaVey’s nose bubble. Either way, it is one of my most cherished possessions. I took some time to photograph it for both my own pleasure and this blog.

This is the top of the Sneeze-O-Bubble box. In the background is an open copy of the 1941 Johnson Smith & Co. Catalogue.

Opening the magnificently decorated box, one reveals the faux mucus globules and, nestled beneath them, a pink instruction sheet.

And here are the legendary bubbles themselves. What schnozzes have these delicate baubles graced in eras past? Though crystal-clear, these replicas of inflated snot are among the most mysterious relics in all Americana.

Click for a closer look!

But what good are nose bubbles if you don’t know how to use them? Study this sheet, stick a few Sneeze-O-Bubbles in your jacket pocket, and you’ll be good and ready for that next cocktail party or family gathering. Again, you should also read (or re-read) LaVey’s excellent tips and scenarios for artificial snot in “The Nose Bubble,” from Satan Speaks!

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THE RADO ECHO VOICE-TESTER

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Another sacred object I have managed to acquire is the Rado Echo Voice-Tester, which LaVey discussed in the documentary Speak of the Devil. This cruel device conceals a particularly nasty surprise. To learn more about it, see the film. It is chock-full of wisdom, including an entire segment about “practical” jokes. That’s where you’ll find an anecdote about this wicked little item.

This is the face of the “voice-tester.” The box is made of cardboard, and the old-fashioned “speaker” is made of cloth.

Here, you can clearly see the tester’s wooden button. Anyone who has seen Speak of the Devil knows what it does. Even if you haven’t, I’m sure that you get the point.

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Enjoy an impish April Fool’s Day, my mischievous readers! And remember: it’s funnier when they deserve it!

Happy Birthday, USA!

Today, the United States of America celebrates its 234th "Birthday". I celebrate this holiday not with blind patriotism, but with a joyous awareness of my freedom from plenty of the worst restrictions and difficulties that plague many other countries. My patriotism is not collective, but selfish. It is also grateful, as members of the military and of law enforcement, for reasons of their own, work to protect these privileges.

I thoroughly enjoy my lifestyle, my language, and my memories, all of which are deeply rooted in my history as a citizen of the USA. Whatever its faults, this nation was founded upon principles that have led to circumstances that enrich this wonderful life of mine.

These very principles inform the supposedly odious title bestowed upon the USA by Islamist fanatics:

The Great Satan.

I, for one, embrace this title as an honor! Others with similar principles probably do, as well. The USA has long been a bellwether of international standards of individualism, indulgence, and innovation. All of these are anathema to terrorists and other evangelical totalitarians. They also happen to be welcome in, even essential to, the religion that stands in direct opposition to all of theirs: Satanism.

Let the death-worshipers shout their accusations from their temples, podiums, and screens. They call this nation Satanic for many of the right reasons! And, unlike most who would make that assertion, I think that it is a truly excellent thing.

If I am an American by accident of birth, I consider my nationality a felicitous accident, indeed!

Happy Birthday, USA!

Hail the Great Satan!

Summer Solstice XLV A.S.

Summer has stricken the Northern Hemisphere.

Long gone are the days during which this season freed me from the tedium of elementary and high school classes. That leaves just the thermometer-popping temperatures, which seem to awaken every boor's inner boor. The city is suddenly and consistently louder, not only because the crowds are thicker than sweat, but also because more oafs blast their stereos for the benefit of their neighbors. And that's just for starters.

I do enjoy warm weather and sunshine, but where other seasons offer these experiences, summer imposes them. The only truly wonderful thing about summer is that, just when it's at its worst, I get to celebrate my Birthday. The particularly indulgent days surrounding that most important holiday are, along with the holiday itself, almost like a reward for my patience.

This is a good time to read or re-read Anton LaVey's essay "Summertime," from The Devil's Notebook. It's a concise guide to the season's literally glaring flaws. However, it concludes with an inspiring passage on the cultivation of total environments, using a real-world example that the Magus himself once built. It's one of my all-time favorite pieces of writing.

On that note, I'm off to slice up a sweet, juicy mango, whose golden flesh is perhaps the embodiment of all that is good about the next few sweltering months.

National Prayer Day

In the United States of America, today is "National Prayer Day."

This is embarrassing.

It's one thing to have this regrettable holiday on a calendar, but this is law. The President of the United States is required, by law, to proclaim this holiday!

"The President shall issue each year a proclamation designating the first Thursday in May as a National Day of Prayer on which the people of the United States may turn to God in prayer and meditation at churches, in groups, and as individuals." - 36 U.S.C. § 119

There has recently been some success in challenging this stain in our books. In a lawsuit initiated in 2008, the Freedom from Religion Foundation has sued Presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama, along with a few other relevant people, asserting that this law is unconstitutional. Earlier this year, U. S. District Judge Barbara Crabb ruled in favor of this challenge, finding no secular advantage to the inherently religious law.

This would be a victory if not for the Obama administration's decision to appeal this ruling. Now, we wait to see whether a law that contradicts this country's constitution will be overturned or, as it very well may, continue to soil our soil.

After all, we haven't gotten rid of "God" in our Pledge of Allegiance, nor the motto "In God We Trust," both of which were established only decades ago. Progress, indeed! Not to mention the official prayers before each session of Congress, or that we still swear an oath to a deity, on a religious text, in court!

Please excuse the exclamation points. Though based upon rational principles, my outrage is incandescent.

The persistence of religion as an accepted influence upon our government is worse than embarrassing. It harms the intellectual integrity of our most fundamental institutions.

Although some atheists would regret having the Church of Satan on their side, being misinformed bigots weighed down by big, fat Goodguy Badges, the rest should be glad to know that there is at least one religion that upholds atheism and the rationalism from which it springs.

Mr. Obama, tear down this law!

Walpurgisnacht XLV A.S.

Just minutes after the arrival of Walpurgisnacht, which I celebrate from Morgen until Nacht, I am reflecting upon the previous day, which was as productive as it was unusual.

I've just begun an enjoyable new job, and a lucrative part-time gig may soon add even more money-making fun to my schedule.

Yesterday, after work, I experienced major delays in my commute, leading to conversations and meetings that included a couple of unlikely connections. Later on, I experienced another unexpected and highly enjoyable event. The details are not very relevant to this post, except for one: each involved admirable or entertaining misfits.

Where others might find these to be mere coincidences, amusing at best, unimportant at worst, they have greater significance for me. They not only inspire me, but have also come at a time during which I am feeling especially... charged.

Only a few days ago, I visited a museum to see a retrospective of the career of an artist who has been very important to me since I was a little boy, when my sketchbook was already full of monsters, ghosts, movies, and other subjects that still thrive in my imagination. This artist's similar interests resonated deeply with my own love for the outré, enriching my creative vocabulary and inspiring me to further develop my bizarre visions. Every day since my visit to his very special exhibition has been more fruitful and full of gratifying surprises.

All leading up to what is sure to be an especially memorable Walpurgisnacht.

Taking a cue from Anton LaVey's essay, "The Combination Lock Principle," I must consider eschewing the concept of "coincidences" and keep an eye out for what I will call "alignments."

Inspiration, indulgence, and incidents.

Things are going my way, more than ever before.

May you Satanists enjoy your Walpurgisnacht as much as I will be enjoying mine.

Hail Satan!

- M. M.

Satanic Rituals & Satanic Holidays

As another major holiday approaches, many Satanists are preparing their altars and minds for rituals and ceremonies. However, these aren't compulsory rites done for their own sake. As with many elements of Satanism, there is more to this practice than is commonly understood.

Satanic holiday rituals draw their potency from one's life outside of this formalized context. One's energies are heightened by the occasion's symbolic significance – whether historical, seasonal or otherwise – but they first originate within the individual's "everyday" life. The religious trappings enhance his or her existing capacity for awareness, inspiration, and power.

In most traditions, ceremonies exalt something above the individual participants. Let there be no mistake that, in Satanism, ceremonies are designed to serve the individual, not to glorify external deities, or even to honor the traditions themselves. No matter what, it all begins and ends with the individual.

The imagery embraced within the Satanic ritual chamber can be misleading to those unfamiliar with our methods. Satanism's religious iconography and incantations often employ mythological elements and esoteric symbolism, which may seem to imply theistic or mystical inclinations. However, these are chosen for their ability to augment one's energies through emotional resonance. This is psychodrama. It has no basis whatsoever in any type of superstition.

This will be obvious to a few, but many people make the mistake of expecting Satanism to exhibit the same basic characteristics as other religions, albeit with a few diabolical twists. It just isn't so. The Satanic approach to religious activity is distinguished by principles that are alien to mainstream creeds. That includes holidays and the ways in which we celebrate them.

Again, we're not just going through the motions. Whether conducted on Walpurgisnacht, Halloween, a solstice, an equinox, a full moon, or a new moon, even the most strictly traditional ceremony is a tool in the service of the individual who chooses to ritualize.

Naturally, Satanic holiday celebrations frequently revolve around social, culinary, and cultural delights. Since we usually enjoy these things year-round, a special occasion can simply be an "excuse" for even more festivities. Not that we need excuses!

Only when the time is right does a gathering – or a solitary celebration – move from the informality of the living room to the electric air of the ritual, or "intellectual decompression," chamber.

When that time has come, you will know.

On the 80th Anniversary of Anton Szandor LaVey's Birth

Tonight, I am taking a moment to reflect upon the legacy of Anton Szandor LaVey, born eighty years ago today.

I am ever grateful that the path which he found the most fulfilling yielded books, films, music, and an organization that have all profoundly enhanced my life in the path that I find the most fulfilling.

Although I did not have the opportunity to meet Magus LaVey before his death in 1997, I joined the Church of Satan three years later, when I was about eighteen years old. My affiliation with this loosely-knit cabal has enriched my life on all levels, increasingly so as I continue to mature and evolve.

I am thus grateful not only to Magus LaVey, but also to his loyal comrades, who continue to build upon the foundation established by that singular sorcerer throughout his remarkable life.

Hail Anton Szandor LaVey!

Hail the Infernal Empire!

Hail Satan!

Johnson Smith & Co. and the Meaning of April Fool's Day

Today is April Fool's Day, an informal holiday devoted to pranks. Many people will burst into guffaws as victims fall prey to obligatory, yet unpleasantly surprising, deceptions. However, few will consider the historical and philosophical context of their "practical jokes.".

One of the most sacred texts for the prankologist is the Johnson Smith & Co. Catalogue of Surprising Novelties, Puzzles, Tricks, Joke Goods, Useful Articles, Etc. Highly recommended by the most discerning cognoscenti, including Anton Szandor LaVey, this catalog is a cornucopia of... well, the title says it all! The catalog offers gags intended to amuse, confuse, or alarm their victims. Some are even designed to inflict physical harm.

This industry flourished during the first half of the 20th century, when the best editions of the catalog were printed. It survives today as Things You Never Knew Existed... I deeply enjoyed reading this later incarnation during the early 1990s, when I was around ten years old. However, it lacks the charm and abundance of the original. But I digress.

LaVey pointed to the pranks sold by Johnson Smith & Co. as evidence that humans are, to some degree, inherently sadistic. How else could a company profit from selling these embarrassing, sometimes painful devices?

LaVey suggested ways in which one might put this cruelty to good use. The primary approach would be to take a deserving enemy down a peg. Why throw a curse when you can throw a prank? The latter is usually more fun! He also shared methods of manipulating others by making oneself look absurd, the results being far more revealing than any pair of so-called X-ray goggles.

With all of the above in mind, I encourage pranksters to deploy their arsenals wisely. You might want to avoid committing undue mischief against your friends today. Instead, aim your pies at the faces of your enemies.

"After all, a joke or a trick is really not much fun, I feel, unless it is perpetrated upon someone who is deserving, or who is going to be deflated by it."

-Anton Szandor LaVey, Speak of the Devil

Vernal Equinox XLV A.S.

Today is the Vernal Equinox — the first day of spring in the Northern Hemisphere.

As in ancient times, we observe and celebrate the resurgent fecundity of the earth and its beasts, all of which have begun to explode with life and the lusts through which it blossoms.

Morning and night rule this day in equal measure; henceforth the sun will grow more dominant, the earth warmer and brighter.

Although Satanism is more often associated with the darkness of Halloween, Walpurgisnacht — which is celebrated during this verdant and cheerful season — is an equally significant holiday. (The most important holiday is, of course, the individual Satanist's own Birthday.)

Celebrated on April 30, at the height of spring, Walpurgisnacht has long been associated with witches, warlocks, and the Devil. Satanists embrace this diabolical reputation as a tradition. Indeed, the Church of Satan was founded on Walpurgisnacht. Magus LaVey could have chosen Halloween, but he didn't – and for good reason.

Satanism is a carnal, life-affirming religion, rooted in the indulgence and vitality that accompany the abundance embodied in the spring season.

Spring is lively, and we love life.

The 9th Day of the Year XLV A.S.

Today is the 9th day of the year XLV A.S. and of a new decade in the Gregorian calendar.

I've spent the evening and night engaged in personally meaningful activities, establishing a trajectory for the coming year by further refining the intentions I meditated upon after midnight on New Year's Day.

The beginning of a new year, in whatever calendar one is using, can be very stimulating. Many people use the occasion to declare "resolutions" for which they have no resolve. Wiser individuals, if they find the moment exciting at all, are more likely to think of this as a time in which to gain perspective through hindsight. They apply the wisdom collected through this period of reflection with true resolve, not because of the new year, but because it serves their purposes.

The new year is also a time for celebration. At the first stroke of midnight, we toast the people we cherish. Before and after, we enjoy indulgent gatherings abuzz with rampant cheer. This outpouring of positive energy can generate a potent reservoir for those who know what to do with it.

Happy New Year!

Hail Satan!

- BtH

Winter Solstice XLIV A. S.

Today, the Northern Hemisphere marks the Winter Solstice, also known as Yule, but more often celebrated as its belated bastardization: Christmas. The ancients established it as a festival designed to welcome the newborn sun god. Today's primitives insist that it is actually about the birth of Jesus. Then there are the more secular, but nonetheless mindless traditions of spending too much money on obligatory gifts, sending out inane greeting cards, and putting up hideous Walmart "decorations."

I'm not a scrooge. I always celebrate the 25th of December with loved ones. It's a chance to catch up, feast, relax, and exchange a few meaningful gifts. I take advantage of that mainstream holiday for my personal enjoyment, but avoid the pressures and excesses that often make it such a stressful time for the herd.

The Winter Solstice, while also a time for merrymaking, is an ideal time for ritual as well. During this, the longest night of the year, Earth's pendulum swings back: the sun gradually restores its dominance as the days grow longer once again.

Winter Solstice symbolism revolves around fire, the element most fully embodied in our sun. The metaphorical implications of this holiday are similar to those of the waxing moon; it is a time of beginnings and growth — the first movement toward Spring, and thus toward Walpurgisnacht. Relevant symbols and metaphors can serve to augment the energies of celebrants, enhancing everything from magical workings to the sheer joy of profound awareness.

While all of this is relevant to the holiday, the Church of Satan's website offers more concise insight and inspiration in this statement: "The True Meaning of Yule."

Beethoven and Evocation

December 17th is celebrated as the Birthday of Ludwig van Beethoven, who was born no later than on that date in the year 1770.

Beethoven was a pioneer in orchestral evocation. His works include some of the most powerful compositions in the Western canon. It is a testament to their potency that they remain just as effective despite countless frivolous quotations throughout popular culture. This enduring power has made Beethoven a favorite among Satanists.

An excerpt of Beethoven's Seventh Symphony accompanies a reading from The Satanic Bible on Anton Szandor LaVey's 1968 recording The Satanic Mass; this moving selection underscores the bold text of The Book of Satan: Verse II.

Peter H. Gilmore highlights the Satanic aspects of Beethoven's achievements, both personal and artistic, in "Diabolus in Musica," an essay in The Satanic Scriptures that also includes a discussion of other composers and their works. Also included are detailed recommendations of exceptional works by Beethoven and others.

Evocation is among the elements that distinguish Satanism from purely secular creeds like atheism. Satanists embrace a confounding variety of aesthetic cues for personal inspiration, in rituals, and toward the manipulation of others. Many misunderstandings that people have about Satanism begin with a failure to comprehend this approach.

LaVey's essay "Evocation," from The Devil's Notebook, names music as "the most effective tool for evocation." The same essay provides profound insights into the personal and magical implications of one's capacity for evocation. In the next essay, "Music for the Ritual Chamber," Beethoven is among the composers whose works are suggested for their evocative power.

This week, cultural institutions around the world are taking time to acknowledge the brilliance of Ludwig van Beethoven. Satanists will tend to have a special appreciation of this innovative individualist's legacy on this occasion, especially because it is his Birthday.

To quote Peter H. Gilmore: "Hail Ludwig!"

Gluttony Day

 On this day, the United States of America embraces the gastronomic excess it otherwise condemns, however glibly, as a sin.

As acknowledged by Magus Peter H. Gilmore on the Church of Satan website, this holiday is rooted in harvest traditions, and is therefore in "harmony with the cycling of Nature."

Though our agrarian awareness tends to be more limited these days, when everything but the Mallomar is perpetually in season, we continue to celebrate this feast for its culinary and social pleasures.

Halloween has its obvious appeal to the dark side of the collective imagination, making much of the world a bit more devil-friendly for a while. Friday the 13th amuses us with its superstitious overtones, which we mock through our own celebrations.

Thanksgiving, however, isn't as often recognized for its Satanic qualities. Perhaps that is because, thanks to increasing secularism, the ridiculous concept of "sin" is no competition for a joyous banquet!

Enjoy an indulgent Gluttony Day!

In Celebration of 999

"Despite others' attempts to identify a certain number with Satan, it will be known than Nine is His number. Nine is the number of the Ego, for it always returns to itself."

- Anton Szandor LaVey

Three years ago, the world acknowledged the date 6/6/06, either fearing, celebrating, or dismissing the date for its allegedly diabolical implications. The most significant of these acknowledgments was the Satanic High Mass conducted by Church of Satan High Priest Peter H. Gilmore with a hundred-strong gathering of other Satanists from around the world. That was a celebration tied to some degree to mockery of superstitions around the number 666, though it served more sinister purposes as well. (I mean that in a good way, of course.)

Today, 9/9/09, we have a number relatively free of superstitious associations: 999. Marketers will take advantage of any unusual date, but this number can be used as more than a mere gimmick. Forgive my ranting, but this is essentially a Satanic trinity, the Ego thrice-glorified through informal numerology. It has no significance beyond the emotional charge it can give to one conscious of this potential interpretation. That's exactly how I'm enjoying this once-in-a-millenium date. If I happen to make it another 90 years, I'll get to see 9/9/99. I'll mark my calendar.

For now, I'll enjoy a Motörhead concert. Their earthy, catchy rock 'n' roll is just the carnal celebration I need to top off my own little Satanic holiday.

Happy 999!