Nose Bubbles and Rado Echoes

In observance of April Fool’s Day, I am sharing photographs of rare novelties from my collection. These are particularly interesting because they are featured prominently in the work of Anton Szandor LaVey.

LaVey found great wisdom where others have found mere amusement, little of interest or, in many cases, nothing at all. This is the true occult. One especially overlooked area of this realm of hidden meaning is that of the prank.

Often perpetrated against innocent friends and acquaintances, pranks are treated differently within Satanism. As LaVey said more than once, it is far more fulfilling to employ unpleasant surprises toward the balancing of egos and as a form of humorous revenge. He also discussed more than one specific gag, including a couple from the old Johnson Smith & Co. Catalogue, which is featured in the Church of Satan’s recommended reading list. LaVey called it his Necronomicon.

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THE SNEEZE-O-BUBBLE

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On the dedication page of The Devil’s Notebook, LaVey mentions the inventor(s) of the Sneeze-O-Bubble. In Satan Speaks!, he dedicates an essay to the artful use of a rubber “nose bubble.” I have always deeply enjoyed that essay, and it has seemed to me that its subject is none other than that enigmatic Sneeze-O-Bubble.

I had the good fortune of finding this incredibly rare gag on eBay. It is a set of four bubbles, and they appear to be made of blown glass. Perhaps this is an earlier version of LaVey’s nose bubble. Either way, it is one of my most cherished possessions. I took some time to photograph it for both my own pleasure and this blog.

This is the top of the Sneeze-O-Bubble box. In the background is an open copy of the 1941 Johnson Smith & Co. Catalogue.

Opening the magnificently decorated box, one reveals the faux mucus globules and, nestled beneath them, a pink instruction sheet.

And here are the legendary bubbles themselves. What schnozzes have these delicate baubles graced in eras past? Though crystal-clear, these replicas of inflated snot are among the most mysterious relics in all Americana.

Click for a closer look!

But what good are nose bubbles if you don’t know how to use them? Study this sheet, stick a few Sneeze-O-Bubbles in your jacket pocket, and you’ll be good and ready for that next cocktail party or family gathering. Again, you should also read (or re-read) LaVey’s excellent tips and scenarios for artificial snot in “The Nose Bubble,” from Satan Speaks!

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THE RADO ECHO VOICE-TESTER

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Another sacred object I have managed to acquire is the Rado Echo Voice-Tester, which LaVey discussed in the documentary Speak of the Devil. This cruel device conceals a particularly nasty surprise. To learn more about it, see the film. It is chock-full of wisdom, including an entire segment about “practical” jokes. That’s where you’ll find an anecdote about this wicked little item.

This is the face of the “voice-tester.” The box is made of cardboard, and the old-fashioned “speaker” is made of cloth.

Here, you can clearly see the tester’s wooden button. Anyone who has seen Speak of the Devil knows what it does. Even if you haven’t, I’m sure that you get the point.

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Enjoy an impish April Fool’s Day, my mischievous readers! And remember: it’s funnier when they deserve it!

Say Your Prayers: A Satanic Parody of The 23rd Psalm

From the first grade until the eighth, I attended a series of private schools run by Christians. Two were Catholic, and one was Seventh-Day Adventist. One was simply a Montessori Academy in which my ambidexterity was “corrected” for reasons I now recognize as superstitious. (After all, the left hand is “sinister.”) In the three overtly religious schools, I learned to recite many prayers, psalms, and so forth. Nowadays, I find great pleasure in rewriting one every now and then. When I do, I create syllable-by-syllable parodies, replacing the original theology with Satanic principles. Tonight, I have “Satanized” The 23rd Psalm. Just a little Black Mass before bed-time!

I am My own Master; I shall not want.
I roam and rest and rise and revel freely:
I ride whirlwinds over roaring waters.
I fulfilleth My Will:
I lead Myself in the paths of righteous might for My own sake.

Yea, as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
Beyond good and evil:
The beast within Me,
My brain, and My force—
they strengthen Me.

I prepareth Myself, that I may be quick to ruinate mine enemies;
I indulgeth My mind and flesh; My joys are abundant.

Ample power and increase shall follow Me all the days of My life,
and I will live through My Ego, fulfilled, forever.

Why the Devil Loves Pee-Wee Herman

[A note to non-Satanists: Before reading this, please understand that Pee-Wee and his creator are not preaching Satanism. This is a highly personal interpretation of the character and his world. It is not to be understood as anything else. Pee-Wee has endured enough scandal already!]

Earlier this month, under the dark of the moon, in a chamber nestled among the Luciferian lights of Broadway, I attended a magical ritual. It was conducted by a sorcerer who has been an indirect mentor to me since my childhood.

This ritual was none other than The Pee-Wee Herman Show.

  

It might not be terribly obvious, but Pee-Wee Herman embodies several principles that resonate deeply with elements of Satanism.

Those new to Satanism may want to read the Church of Satan Informational Pack, along with other literature, to better grasp some of this. But for the most part, it should be self-explanatory.

Pee-Wee Herman is a staunch individualist. He is immune from any possibility of being changed by anyone outside of himself. Such is his strength of will that, if there is to be change, it will be in the people and objects around him! This can be seen most clearly in his Playhouse.

Pee-Wee's Playhouse is a total environment. He has surrounded himself with imagery, companions, and activities that stimulate, satisfy, and express his ego. It is his sanctuary and, at times, his ritual chamber.

It is also significant that, aside from a few human visitors, Pee-Wee’s primary companions are what would normally be inanimate objects. Through either technology or imagination, most of the items in his world are animated, or even alive. Though some are more anthropomorphic than others, all of these objects serve as Pee-Wee's artificial human companions.

This unique environment is shaped by Pee-Wee’s profound capacity for evocation, which is a key principle at the often-misunderstood heart of Satanism.

Adding to this energy is "the secret word" that, from day to day, tautens the Playhouse's atmosphere with its explosive potential. Secrets are powerful, and this one never fails to unleash a confounding outburst of prankish cacophony.

If you’ve ever seen Pee-Wee on stage, you know how many dirty jokes he and his friends tell. Though distasteful to prudes, these are simply a mischievous celebration of carnality. This is, of course, essential to any truly good life — unless one’s particular fetishes encourage a rare inclination to the contrary!

It's not just the dirty jokes that are so diabolically delightful, though. If, as Baudelaire said, "Laughter is Satanic," then Pee-Wee surely ranks highly among the devils of mythology!

The final major Satanic element of Pee-Wee’s world is more overtly related to magic and ritual. Jambi, a genie (djinn) who lives in a trapezoidal box, is the most traditionally magical part of this environment. He grants wishes, inviting others to join him in a chant that, though it may be gibberish, is given meaning through its esoteric implications. These otherwise nonsensical words are, by their very association with magic, used to heighten emotions for the purpose of projecting and manifesting the wisher's will.

Pee-Wee’s stage show also imparts two more significant magical lessons, which the perceptive can identify without my specifying them and spoiling the plot. The first is that, if one uses magic to bestow a blessing upon another person, this must be done with absolute certainty that success would not bring unhappiness to him or herself; otherwise, it may backfire. The second lesson is that one should not waste magical efforts on anything that could be better achieved through more direct means.

As with just about anything, the ultimate relevance of Pee-Wee Herman to Satanism is as varied as Satanists themselves. This is just a basic survey of themes of general interest to Satanists, at least a few of whom are some of Pee-Wee's biggest fans.

Hail Pee-Wee!

Hail Satan!

An Eye for Carnage: Anton Szandor LaVey on the Horror Films of Herschell Gordon Lewis

A few years ago, I acquired an old catalog. Someone I knew was probably discarding it; I forget. But I kept this white elephant because it struck me as a unique reference for my cinematic explorations. Audio Brandon Films 16mm International Cinema, 1978-79, contains well over 500 pages of films then available for rental by educational institutions, theaters, etc. Instead of a dull list, however, Audio Brandon fattened its catalog with striking stills and critical, even scholarly descriptions by educators, journalists, and other qualified aficionados. Among these contributors was Anton Szandor LaVey, who wrote about Herschell Gordon Lewis and two of his films.

When I discovered that this catalog, whose great worth was already apparent, included material by LaVey, I was all the more excited to have re-discovered this nearly discarded volume. Although this and other editions of the catalog have been quoted in academic works, it seems fairly rare. Especially because I was getting rid of clutter at the time, I felt that I had just narrowly missed losing a valuable bit of Satanic history. Not to mention a veritable encyclopedia of international cinematic history up until the late 1970s!

The following is LaVey’s contribution to this catalog. It involves horror films, as the average reader might expect, but offers keen observations that only the Black Pope himself could have penned. Of course, he could have also written illuminating pieces about many other films in the book, most of which are not horror, and some of which are recommended in the appendices of Blanche Barton’s The Church of Satan. I, for one, would have relished a book of cinema criticism by the premier pioneer of contemporary Satanism! But at least we have this passage, which in itself includes enough history and insight for a creative manifesto.
 

Herschell Gordon Lewis

In 1963 ex-English professor Herschell Gordon Lewis decided that the skinflick market was waning, limited as it was to nudie films. Not wishing to make history nor waste time and money in courtrooms pioneering porn, he recognized an unexploited realm of living-color, perfectly legal blood-and-gore cinema that the big companies wouldn’t touch. Though horror and the supernatural had always been good box office, no one had really pulled all the stops. Lewis’ first film of the type, Blood Feast, was received with such revulsion that it was yanked under protest from many theatres before its bookings expired. Yet it made money and made cinema history, inspiring and uninhibiting virtually every other producer and director with an eye for carnage. Later Lewis commented, “Peckinpah’s blood is much more watery than ours… Peckinpah shoots people. We dismember them!” The discerning viewer will find Lewis’ films to be much more than superficial gore; rather an eerie reflection of the repressed sado-masochism in us all that even the smallest voice inside seldom admits to. From Bonnie And Clyde to The Exorcist, from The Wild Bunch to Jaws, fragments of Lewis’ kaleidoscope radiate.
 

Two Thousand Maniacs (1964)

A horror version of Brigadoon, this is Lewis’ tale of a Southern town which was savagely destroyed by Union troops and rises from its swampy site every hundred years. Overlooked by American critics because of excessive gore, it was praised by European masters such as Jean-Luc Godard and classed with Polanski’s Repulsion and Hitchcock’s Psycho. The musical score (also by Lewis) inspired Bonnie And Clyde’s and many other later films. Because, rather than in spite, of its low budget and unknown performers (Connie Mason was a Playboy foldout), amateurism transcends into chilling super-realism. The plot is equal to the best old-school  pulp thriller, combining suspense, kinky sexual innuendo and the supernatural. Made in 1964, Two Thousand Maniacs is rapidly achieving the stature it deserves, now that “respected” filmmakers have saturated the public with bloodier but less effective results. In the genre of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Night Of The Living Dead, the townspeople extras convey the feeling that this film is the Real Thing!

Color Me Blood Red (1964)

A temperamental beatnik artist who occupies a desolately situated beach house becomes dissatisfied with ordinary pigments and materials. Pretty girls become his source of supply in what must be the only Grande Guignol treatment of the Frankie Avalon / Annette Funicello beach blanket theme. As with other Herschell Lewis films, this is not for the squeamish.

Thoughts on Crime and Justice Nine Years After 9/11

Today, during the hours just before dawn, I reflected upon the perennial troubles facing the society in which I live, as well as the forces that keep them in check.

I had just finished watching a film that explored, among other issues, some of the most vile behaviors to be found on the worst urban streets. The specifics are not as important as the overall reminder that there are always individuals and groups plotting to infringe upon the freedoms of others. Of course, one need not watch a movie to be reminded of this, but it certainly can stir the blood.

Whether it is a crack-addicted thief robbing someone else's home, Al Qaeda fanatics committing wholesale kamikaze murders, or any other shade of intrusive crime, I am always infuriated when I learn that yet another life has been adversely or lethally impacted by such actions. This is a common reaction amongst Satanists, despite peskily persistent claims to the contrary.

Satanism advocates Justice. In fact, that is the current watchword of the Church of Satan, which fully supports the noble efforts of military and law enforcement agencies that fight for personal freedoms and against the criminals who curtail them.

It is with this universal meditation that I consider the significance of 9/11, nine years after the infamous attacks.

My thoughts are, as always, with those who have lost loved ones at the hands of criminals and enemy combatants.

My gratitude is, as always, with those who have been, and are still, fighting against the enemies of our liberties.

Lex Talionis!

Happy Birthday, USA!

Today, the United States of America celebrates its 234th "Birthday". I celebrate this holiday not with blind patriotism, but with a joyous awareness of my freedom from plenty of the worst restrictions and difficulties that plague many other countries. My patriotism is not collective, but selfish. It is also grateful, as members of the military and of law enforcement, for reasons of their own, work to protect these privileges.

I thoroughly enjoy my lifestyle, my language, and my memories, all of which are deeply rooted in my history as a citizen of the USA. Whatever its faults, this nation was founded upon principles that have led to circumstances that enrich this wonderful life of mine.

These very principles inform the supposedly odious title bestowed upon the USA by Islamist fanatics:

The Great Satan.

I, for one, embrace this title as an honor! Others with similar principles probably do, as well. The USA has long been a bellwether of international standards of individualism, indulgence, and innovation. All of these are anathema to terrorists and other evangelical totalitarians. They also happen to be welcome in, even essential to, the religion that stands in direct opposition to all of theirs: Satanism.

Let the death-worshipers shout their accusations from their temples, podiums, and screens. They call this nation Satanic for many of the right reasons! And, unlike most who would make that assertion, I think that it is a truly excellent thing.

If I am an American by accident of birth, I consider my nationality a felicitous accident, indeed!

Happy Birthday, USA!

Hail the Great Satan!

Summer Solstice XLV A.S.

Summer has stricken the Northern Hemisphere.

Long gone are the days during which this season freed me from the tedium of elementary and high school classes. That leaves just the thermometer-popping temperatures, which seem to awaken every boor's inner boor. The city is suddenly and consistently louder, not only because the crowds are thicker than sweat, but also because more oafs blast their stereos for the benefit of their neighbors. And that's just for starters.

I do enjoy warm weather and sunshine, but where other seasons offer these experiences, summer imposes them. The only truly wonderful thing about summer is that, just when it's at its worst, I get to celebrate my Birthday. The particularly indulgent days surrounding that most important holiday are, along with the holiday itself, almost like a reward for my patience.

This is a good time to read or re-read Anton LaVey's essay "Summertime," from The Devil's Notebook. It's a concise guide to the season's literally glaring flaws. However, it concludes with an inspiring passage on the cultivation of total environments, using a real-world example that the Magus himself once built. It's one of my all-time favorite pieces of writing.

On that note, I'm off to slice up a sweet, juicy mango, whose golden flesh is perhaps the embodiment of all that is good about the next few sweltering months.

Thoughts on the Dynamism of Satanic Ritual

"There is more to Satanic magic and ritual than being in costume, with all your ritual gear in a decorated room. This is a necessary phase, and for some people will always have more 'juice' — but the ultimate 'intellectual decompression chamber' is and always will be YOUR OWN SKULL."

-Magister James D. Sass, Essays in Satanism

Ritual magic, also known as Greater Magic, can be a highly dynamic tool — especially within the individualistic framework of Satanism. For those who cling to pre-established formulae, the variations can confound and confuse. The Satanist, however, approaches all things from a third-side perspective, eschewing absolutism and its mind-flattening effects. Ritual is no exception.

I tend to employ Greater Magic exclusively as "self-transformational psychodrama," as Magus Peter H. Gilmore has so concisely defined one of its most undeniably effective uses. Though skeptical about magic's effectiveness in remotely controlling the world outside of oneself, a Satanist may nonetheless benefit greatly from this type of ritual. This active and highly adaptable relationship with diabolical symbolism can serve to stimulate one's mind, deepen one's awareness, and augment one's strengths. It keeps one in touch with one's daemons, attracting the very same success that others seem to attain more "mysteriously".

Whenever I feel the need, I find time in my day to focus and direct my energies, without speaking, to tap into the same energy that I access through formalized ritual. This is currently the most effective method for me. I developed it over the past fifteen years through an evolutionary maelstrom of philosophical "ourobourism," to coin a term. I maintain it through particular forms of study, contemplation, and visualization.

I have also gone through extended periods without engaging in any type of ritualistic thinking, usually when I am extremely busy with... well, business. However, I have learned that ritual and meditation are particularly important when I'm "all work and no play." Intellectual decompression keeps the mind flexible and realigns the will. It can be a potent means of maintaining balance in one's life.

Just as I have developed highly personal methods of ritualization outside of a formal context, so have others who wish to use this tool away from the ritual chamber. This is not an argument against more traditional rites — just another way to take "advantage of this many faceted key to the unknown — which the Satanist chooses to call 'Satan' (The Satanic Bible).

These are some of the thoughts that I have been mulling over while modifying my ritual practices in accordance with my continued evolution.

National Prayer Day

In the United States of America, today is "National Prayer Day."

This is embarrassing.

It's one thing to have this regrettable holiday on a calendar, but this is law. The President of the United States is required, by law, to proclaim this holiday!

"The President shall issue each year a proclamation designating the first Thursday in May as a National Day of Prayer on which the people of the United States may turn to God in prayer and meditation at churches, in groups, and as individuals." - 36 U.S.C. § 119

There has recently been some success in challenging this stain in our books. In a lawsuit initiated in 2008, the Freedom from Religion Foundation has sued Presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama, along with a few other relevant people, asserting that this law is unconstitutional. Earlier this year, U. S. District Judge Barbara Crabb ruled in favor of this challenge, finding no secular advantage to the inherently religious law.

This would be a victory if not for the Obama administration's decision to appeal this ruling. Now, we wait to see whether a law that contradicts this country's constitution will be overturned or, as it very well may, continue to soil our soil.

After all, we haven't gotten rid of "God" in our Pledge of Allegiance, nor the motto "In God We Trust," both of which were established only decades ago. Progress, indeed! Not to mention the official prayers before each session of Congress, or that we still swear an oath to a deity, on a religious text, in court!

Please excuse the exclamation points. Though based upon rational principles, my outrage is incandescent.

The persistence of religion as an accepted influence upon our government is worse than embarrassing. It harms the intellectual integrity of our most fundamental institutions.

Although some atheists would regret having the Church of Satan on their side, being misinformed bigots weighed down by big, fat Goodguy Badges, the rest should be glad to know that there is at least one religion that upholds atheism and the rationalism from which it springs.

Mr. Obama, tear down this law!